17 Sep 2008 mellow_bunny

Life Changes | They come thick and fast.

A Moment Of Thought

So in a moment of clarity last night I came to some conclusions about my life. In a manner that is easy to read and looks official I will list them below. A numbered list even, that’s how important this is.

  1. I spend to much time on IRC.
  2. I spend to much time on my computers.
  3. I have attempted to invest my time in too many things.
  4. I have failed to look after my health.
  5. I spend to much money on something that gives no return. (Server .. which is up to $450NZD btw.. darn you exchange rate)
  6. I need to have more control over my situation.
  7. I need to stop downloading anime to have a clean conscience.
  8. This all needs to happen right now.

An Explanation

The amount of time I spend on IRC is huge. If I am on a computer.. I am on IRC. We are talking upwards of 12 hours a day here. RIDICULOUS. As much as I love to converse with fellow bloggers and anime people the fact is it distracts me from my work. It is also mentally unhealthy. The content of some of the conversations can a lot of the time conflict with what I actually believe is right or drops below my normal “out of net” moral standard. All in all it is having a negative effect on my mental health.

As I mentioned before I can spend upwards of 12 hours a day on computers. I spend a minimum of 8 hours at my place of employment and then I logon when I get home. This means that I do not spend time with my family, friends or just time winding down the mind and doing something productive. My physical health does not improve either as I am not spending time on exercise. This has to change now. I have calculated and I kid you not.. of the last 6 months I have been sick for 5 1/2. I have had 2 weeks of good health in half a year.

I love the possibilities that abound in the internet. I love them. There are so many opportunites to create and collaborate with so many awesome people. Because of this interest that I have in making new things and being part of exciting projects, I find myself in a predicament. As of right now.. I am meant to be working on 9 different projects. I should be able to invest 4 hours of time for 3 of those projects a week. At this point it’s more like 30mins. Why? Because I have become exhausted and ill. I have spread myself too far and now i’m stuck in a situation where I am failing to meet the minimum requirements for the projects that really matter.

My health hit an all time low last month. I was told by the Doc that I needed to sleep, eat, work and then sleep again. I am almost running on vapors. As a result my mental health has suffered when it comes to managing stress. Of course this has a flow on effect back to my physical health. What does this all stem from? It comes from stress related to making sure I give my best to all the people I have dedicated my time too. This includes my full time job and the 9 other projects I am part of. This also comes from a lack of looking after my body with exercise and healthy eating. I am now on a managed eating plan of healthy foods. I am meant to be doing exercise daily but that hasn’t started yet.

I currently have expenses monthly that almost exceed my income. The one large expense that is growing with the current market uncertainty is my web server. Here is the dilemma for me. This server is the gateway to me producing online income. The problem is I haven’t as of yet created anything which will produce income. The scheduled upgrade and change of mellowSPACE isn’t meant to begin until the 1st of January 2009. In between now and then my expenses are set to increase with trying to keep myself healthy. I can definitely pay for this coming month’s bill which will see me through to October. After that I do not know.

I really need to take charge of what i’m doing. At the moment i’m drifting in life. Cruising. Just going with the flow and it’s completely pointless. I have goals I want to achieve and I want to make sure they are my priority. So as they become more of my focus then other things will swing around and shift in or out of my life. The end of it needs to be that I have command of what I am doing in my life for the positive.

Being perfectly honest with myself downloading anime is illegal. Totally illegal. Don’t give me crap about “unlicensed content” and stuff. People made the show and do not receive what they deserve when we download it illegally and not through official channels. I don’t want to have that sitting on my head anymore. As much as I love watching anime I cannot justify my actions.

All these things that I have finally admitted to myself are things I need to act on now. In fact this post is more for me then you as a reader. In writing this down i’m having to admit to myself where I am falling short. It serves as a sort of explanation to people too. I guess you’ll hear from me if I have a changed situation for you in regards to projects. At the moment all I can focus on is my full time employment and the web company that I am part of. I apologise if this puts anybody in an awkward situation but such is life and I can do no more.

Why would I not put a picture, seriously.

Why would I not put a picture, seriously.

Posted by mellow_bunny » Filler

6 Comments on “Life Changes | They come thick and fast.”

  • Ryan A

    Feel your soul first mellow!

    IRC is definitely a drain, and I have the most perfect analogy for it: the telephone. See the telephone is an old-school tech device, why does it suck sooo bad? It comes down to concurrency, or lack there of. In order to use the telephone it requires both people be on the line, at the same time, which isn’t never unless each is truly free at the moment (busy people get an hour of freedom/day at best).

    For realz, no matter how busy I get, I won’t get sick (last time I had a cold was when I was fighting 40mph winds for over 2 hours one late-winter afternoon while windsurfing). My concept is food and exercise, but I often lack in rest, which takes a toll on beauty etc, so its important to recover sleep quickly. Anyway, eating nutrient-dense foods, and getting at least 15-20 minutes of exercise (even if it is yoga, stretching, walking) per day, helps so much, with physical and mental abilities. Also, my 103-year-old great grandfather has always told us youngsters that sleeping with the fresh air is a good addition to health.

    Funny thing is that these things are quite simple to integrate, just takes a little planning and determination.

    Doing what you know to do will ultimately lead you somewhere interesting. No need to hurry in life, go tough when the duty calls, but sit back and enjoy the stroll when you can. I’m sure halting stuff is a good idea, because overload can happen even on one project, no matter what world it’s in.

    Cheerios

    09-17-08 » 11:57 am »

  • Pablo-kun

    It all comes down to determination, and it’s gonna take some effort to adapt to drastic changes in such a short time. Right now it’ll be best to start adjusting your day-to-day schedule one step at a time, we (ironically your IRC people) don’t want you sacrificing yourself for our own benefit.

    Regulating PC hours should definitely improve your health, and having a look at my life style and the work I invest my time in, I too should really consider adjusting the time spent in it. Then I’d probably have more time to write posts or spend more (or less depending on my state) time with my family & friends.

    09-17-08 » 2:20 pm »

  • natsuneko

    Hmm, I can somewhat relate to your “drifting” feeling, as I myself am drifting through my insecure days, procrastinating my time away with IRC and games, while being perfectly aware of the many different tasks I have yet to start/finish…. etc, etc. Everyone’s been there, done that.

    You know your situation better than anyone else anyway, so any further advice would only serve to fill this post with tl;dr, and most likely repeat or boil down to what Ryan (and the many posts to follow as well) said anyway.

    But if you can, at least try to keep away from IRC for a few days/weeks. Focus on what really matters now, and keep yourself busy with life to resist withdrawal. I’d rather see a healthy bunny once in a while than a sick and tired bunny all the time.

    09-17-08 » 2:22 pm »

  • Panther

    Taking care of your health should take priority over all else. Screw morals and whatever for now, in your case your health should be coming first. Without a healthy body how do you take care of the other problems and still work?

    That being said that is too much time on the PC. You need to stay off IRC at work or something. Focus is important, I think you just need the determination to tell yourself to concentrate on one thing at a time. The problem is finding that motivation.

    09-17-08 » 3:14 pm »

  • Nagato

    Aw mellows. Ask Maestro to ban you from IRC, or something. :x As far as I can see you’re still even more active than I am on it.

    Anyway, it’s good that you seem committed to taking care of yourself! Eat some more seaweed, it’s good for you! >)

    09-21-08 » 12:47 am »

  • Michael

    I’d think it’s just a matter of control. It doesn’t really need to stop. I spend a lot of time on the Internet, also, but I don’t think it has reached the point of an absolute addiction.

    09-26-08 » 1:59 pm »

Leave a Comment