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22 Mar 2007 JTFish

I loathe Kanon and Air

I hate Kanon and Air. I hate them with a passion. Don’t get me wrong they’re not bad, they’re just too damn sad. Especially Air, it’s like the guy that robs you and then punches you in the kidneys, proceeding to kick you in the liver. Air is the Goddamn saddest thing ever created… ever. Forget weapons of mass destruction, all you have to do is high-jack a TV-station and broadcast Air, you’ll knock the fighting spirit out of the entire country you’re trying to invade. This brings me to my theory: Key’s games are part of one big conspiracy on Japan’s part to invade the western world. Once we’re depressed enough, BAM Japanese coming in from everywhere. Mark my words…mark my words.

Aaaaaaaannyway on to Moe’ness. Let’s Start with Kanon; the recently broadcasted Kyoto Animation version.

Tsukimiya Ayu AKA zombie ghost girl?

I’m probably gonna get flamed for this but goddamn I hate her. She redefines annoying, if I hear Uguu~ one more time I swear i’m gonna…eerrr anyway, she’s also too damn loli for her own good. You heard me - too damn loli - she looks and acts like an 8 year old. While it may be quite moe if I were that Yuichi guy, I’d stab my eyes out for even thinking about going out with her. On the other hand she’s voiced by Yui Horie and that’s always a good thing. Speaking of Yui Horie, I’m beginning to suspect that she’s Santa Claus, she’s in everything these days. But that’s a theory I’ll share with you guys some other day. Mooooving on.

Minase Nayuki AKA mentally challenged girl

I’m just Kidding about the mentally challenged part, tough she’s a little on the slow side. This, however, is good since it makes her moe…and pretty funny. All in all I kinda like her.

Sawatari Makoto AKA furfag

It doesn’t get any better than this, fiery temper, tsun-tsun. Yet she had the worse ending in the anime. Goddamn you KEY! If she and Ayu would have swapped places, it would have made Kanon a whole lot more awesome. And her design is very cute but I like Kaori’s design more.

Kawasumi Mai AKA Jesus

I shouldn’t even tell you why she’s awesome. Look at the image: Sad bunny girl. FUCK YEAH. Also she’s the stoic cold loner type. Add a cute design and we’ve got ourselves a winner. She’s also quite the tactical genius:

Remember: when facing demons ask yourself: “what would Obi Wan Kenobi do?”

Kurata Sayuri AKA plaingirl is plaaaaain

Pretty awesome design. On the other hand her cheerful girl personality is kinda plain, but she’s more of a background character. I’d say she’s quite good.

Misaka Shiori AKA Emo Kid

God and I thought it couldn’t get worse then Ayu, how wrong I was. The only thing this girl is good for is depressing people to death. and what’s up with that blanket thing she’s always carrying around? I thought only 80 year olds did that. She dresses like it’s the 50’s, well except for the skirt. I can only imagine how funny it would have been if she walked around in that skirt during the 50’s.

“-DEAR GOD HER KNEES ARE IN PLAIN SIGHT!”

“-SOMEONE ALERT THE ARCHBISHOP”

Comedy gold my friend.

Misaka Kaori AKA Pure Qwnage

Goddamn she’s awesome. She doesn’t take shit from anybody. Everytime she talked to that Yuichi guy I was secretly hoping she’d bust out a knife and stab him right in the eye. Alas it was never meant to be. And her Character design is just plain awesome, that wavy hair is so so awesome.

Just for the heck of it let’s take a look at the gar.

Aizawa Yuichi AKA Kyon

It doesn’t get any gayer than this. Seriously: nobody is that kind. If I’d ever encounter anyone as kind as this guy, I’d do that person a favor and stab him right in the eye (whoa déja-vu). My system has a limit for kindness. If there’s too much kindness around me I have to start punching babies or puppies. This guy made me burn down a whole lot of maternity clinics.

Kitagawa Jun AKA comic relief guy

Now this guy is my kinda guy. And Unlike captain gay he’s got a taste for women. He should have gotten the girl. *Sigh* why don’t the funny guys ever win.

Now let’s move on to reverse-Prozac better known as Air. Also the Kyoto animation version, so that’s the anime not the movie.

Kamio Misuzu AKA Reverse Mr T

Man, I tell you I can’t stop laughing everytime I see that screenshot. I mean; look at that face. Anyway Yin is to yang as this girl is to Mr T , she’ the most pitiful thing ever. There’s no way you can’t feel sorry for her. In fact I’m pretty sure she’s the only Reason Mr T’s pitying doesn’t kill us all, she absorbs all of it. On the other hand she’s super moe, yet AGAIN she has the worst ending. Damn you to hell KEY!

Kirishima Kano AKA no redeeming qualities

Seriously look at her, I don’t even know where to start. Next up.

Tohno Minagi AKA Hypnotoad

I think she’s hooked on the chronic, I mean she talks so slow it’s almost hypnotic. I just can’t…stop…listening…to her…ALL GLORY TO TOHNO MINAGI. Seriously tough, she’s awesome and super moe due to the way she talks. Her design is the best of this series.

Michiru AKA Jailbait

See image, I’m not touching this with a 50 foot pole.

Kamio Haruko AKA your mom is hot

What was the main character thinking man! He should have totally gone for the mom. Everybody would have been happy, well except maybe the daughter, but it would have been worth it.

And to finish it off:

Kunisaki Yukito AKA the lead-singer of that one emo band

Look at that hair man, just look at that hair! Anyway, besides the hair he’s pretty awesome. He’s not the super kind type of guy and he’s a hobo. He’s a little bit gar. But only a little bit.

In retrospect: Air and Kanon aren’t so bad if you’re a masochist or if you’re emo.

21 Mar 2007 JTFish

I’m Awesome

Yes that’s right, I’m awesome. I’m here on this blog to rant about anime manga and possibly videogames in the most subjective way known to man. There’s a lot of anime blogs on the internet but none are as awesome as this one. Who wants to read an analysis of every single episode? I sure as hell don’t. There are only two things that matter and that’s moe and gar, and i’ll tell you just how much of it an anime will sling into your face. So stick around if you’re man enough, or if you’re a girl but no fat chicks.